the railway love (decrypting Auden)

The pavement were fields
of harvest

Wheat and down
by the brimming

River I heard a lover
sing under:

'An arch of the railway love has no ending'

Bristolstreet the crowds were fields
harvest brimming the pavement

Lover sing under Riverarch Down
arch as the railway love

Love has no sending under love
by the brimming River I

Under anarch of the railway love
all ending
.
.
.
Read the original fragment - here

Or read Auden's original poem complete - here

Auden's poem was full of Eros and Thanatos anyway, but I felt it was a little poetic and cerebral, and wondered if there might be a less heady version lurking somewhere in there, a version that was more yeasty somehow. The more I explored it, the more depth I found in the original, until it became clear it was like a holograph with the message embedded in each fragment. That was probably what drew my attention to the possibility of using it in this way in the first place. I don't know if the Reaper is clearer in my version, but it feels closer to the surface to me, as does the speeding of time. I'm not in any way suggesting it as an improvement, just an exercise in responsive critique. And a bit of fun. And an homage.